Move into the deep end.

Finally! A blog with some sex! Ok, so it's lacking a necessary feature for me: cockage. (I remember when my college roommate came out to me and I said, "Are you sure? What about all those penises out there that will go to waste? They need love, too. And wait! You can't even watch the lesbian scenes on porn night! Are you really, really sure?") But that's ok. I can deal. Sapphic love can be hot, too.

Like most bloggers, Drowning Pisces writes about her life, work, joy, history, likes, dislikes. That's all well and good, but she's also put together a collection of pieces about what attracts her to women, and that's what managed to draw me into her writing. It's honest and upfront but also delicate, observing those little moments, the gestures and places we forget to remember. And it's sexy. Even if she does use the word groin, which calls to mind burly football players with pulled ligaments.

She's only been blogging for a few months, but she's definitely on the right track. There are some hiccups (One of my pet peeves? Overuse of ellipses.), but she's also managed to be extraordinarily honest and raw, revealing heartache, loss, pain. I admire that. It's brave. And this? "I bounced that quick baby bend-the-knee-and-straighten-before-you-fall bounce… one hand on the door for balance, the other waving in the air because I didn’t know it was attached." Evocative and one of those precious truths of childhood.

My one complaint, really, is the blog template. It's too boring. I mean, it's fine. It works. It's organized. The title is nice and appropriate. But I get the feeling that, both from the writing and the blog design, she's trying to get settled in to who she is. And that's great. But take a chance, pull in some personality for your template. I've read all your posts, and you're not ho-hum.

So, as I seem to keep saying recently, keep writing. Give it some more time. You're only three months in and doing a great job. Keep reading other blogs and developing a community of readership. I get the feeling that 2008 might be a year of exploration for you, with this blog as a mouthpiece and playground.

And most especially, keep writing the sexy stuff. I like it.

"Clavicle" sounds dirty, doesn't it?

Along with huge, bright banners with busty cartoon chicks masquerading as everyday women they don't even closely resemble (hey, I'm forced to have an avatar -- sue me) and using the words "escapades," "adventures," or "exploits" in your blog title, one of my internet pet peeves is using a screen name or blog title reinforcing the overwhelming love you have for your partner. We get it. You're in love. So am I. But find an identity outside of that all-consuming hard on. Wedding-obsessed nesters are the usual culprits, but today's blogger puts it all out there, too. She's David's Doll.

In terms of design, it looks all wonky on my Mac with Firefox. I have to spread the page very wide in order to accommodate the sidebar, meanwhile the banner only goes across the center portion. The huge honking pictures take up way too much room and should be sized down quite a bit (that scary doll face is enormous and will definitely give me nightmares, thanks). Unless you're doing a photoblog, there's no reason to have images that large. And there's a hellova lot of info in the sidebar. I suggest rolling a good portion of that up, and maybe move the particulars about what you've read and all to a separate page.

The links are not colored or underlined, so color me stupid but I didn't catch on to the linkage action for a good bit. Here I was thinking, "She's talking about these bloggers, why doesn't she link to them?" before I rolled over and they lit up. (Side note: "I rolled over and they lit up" -- how many times have I said that before.) Also, find a way to make the post titles clickable; I had to go down to the timestamp to get to individual posts. At the bottom of your pages, I'd like some sort of link to go to older entries. When I click on the archives, please don't take me to a new page. Ugh! Consider making your banner clickable, too, so that when people click on it they get taken back to the index page. And the MySpace-ish hugs and post-it messages in the sidebar bring the level of your blog down a couple of notches toward amateurish.

The good design stuff: the banner is fine, the color isn't offensive, I like the muted palette.

Now to the content. She only reads when she's taking a crap, which means I have to vehemently disapprove. Unless she craps like six times a day, then we're all good. There's knitting going on, which I know has swept the nation and all, but I so don't get it. She's an independently published writer, for which I've got to give her kudos. It takes incredible determination and oomph to publish, and I really admire that. But please? For the love of all that's holy, use your damn apostrophe. It's your friend. And an online dictionary is more than a friend, it's a college roommate who used to hold your hair while you puked ("bizarre" is something strange; "bazaar" is a place where you shop). And read more -- reading makes good writers.

There's some good stuff here ("She was looking at me...with her eyes."). The challenges of young parenthood and dealing with an injured spouse are humanizing. I find that I want the best for these people because they're doing the best they can and loving each other along the way. But then I'm incredibly put off by the random ads that crop up. I know things are tight, so maybe the ads help? I don't know but they bug the shit out of me. I'm ok with the donation buttons, but the ads? No.

More good stuff? She's a mommy but there isn't a lot of mommy blogging going on. She's consistent and writes often. There's a decent range of topics, so it's not all about David or the accident or her kids or knitting or organic food. She's got a wry sense of humor and a fair bit of self-deprecation, which I enjoy. There's no pretension and she's incredibly down-to-earth, which means she says "poop" and "fart" a lot, which I can get on board with. Above all, she's an individual and and has a unique voice. In several pages of reading, though, I haven't come across the first sexy post, which is disappointing for a horndog like me.

The writing isn't particularly my cuppa. It's more domestic than I'm used to (I don't cook, clean, craft, or parent). But I can see the potential, and I can see how she's developed a circle of like-minded blogging buddies. So, my advice is to keep it up. Keep writing, read more, edit down, refine. Make some improvements on your design so that it's more reader-friendly. And change your blog title if not your screen name, because there's more to you than that.

I give it:

"Coal mine, moonshine, or move it on down the line"

I freaking love Coal Miner's Daughter. Love it. Beyond all reason. It's up there with Urban Cowboy for me. "I don't want no divorce, I just want the dadgum bedroom in the back of the house!" I have a strange fondness for anything hoaky and rednecky. And so it was with happy anticipation that I began investigating Confessions of a Coal Miner's Granddaughter.

Initially, the enormous header put me off. Those ginormous images right up front on an opening page chap my ass. I don't want to scroll, I suppose. Pure laziness. But aside from that, the site is purple, which is my favorite color and has graced my own blog at various times. Easy to read, clean, organized. I like that she links to the important stuff and leaves a lot off the first page. Classy. One suggestion: figure out how to add an "older entries" link to the bottom (because I read the entire blog and had to keep going up to the top to get to prior months).

And then, getting into reading the posts, I'm appalled. Not because the guts of this blog aren't good. They are. But because she's giving out such personal info! Holy jebus, her school teachers, her classmates, her grandfather's name, all of it, right out there for the world to see and stalk. Zoinks. Girl, that's just plain asking for it. Or am I overreacting? This from a girl who goes by an alias and uses a cartoon avatar to avoid identification.

But I'll overlook her tempting fate because she's pretty dang funny. She writes about the kids and the hubs, but it's not a mommy blog in the general sense. And as I delve deeper into this domain of Her Purpleness, I notice that, damn, we have a lot in common. It's kind of pathetic (and awesome) when you read a blog and go, "Oh my god, me TOO!" like eleven hundred times. She likes AICN, which I once kept up with back in the day and should really check out again. She has an unnatural fascination with the macabre. She loves the Varsity (although, who doesn't love the Varsity?). She has a hankering for Sean Connery (hands off, bitch, he's mine, even if he is older than dirt) but recognizes Timothy Dalton's skill. To top it off, reading her "100 Things..." I discover that she loves Disney, Wonder Woman, Kevin Smith, bluegrass, and Joss Whedon (me too!).

If I had a complaint it would be there there's no sex. She mentions penis and vulva, but there's no actual insertion of penis into vulva, which would just top the whole thing off for me.

But, Heather,







And I'm adding you to my Reader.

Mommie Dearest

The blogs I read tend to be salacious and titillating or funny and irreverent. I like 'em raunchy and raw and funny. Some of them are friends' blogs, and I read them to catch up or stay involved. And there are blogs I read because I just enjoy the writing. Most of the time, though, I read them because I get a glimpse into the lives of interesting people. There's drama and comedy and sex and conflict and grit and fluff.

But there are very few blogs I read whose writers are in the throes of the kind of real life terror that Desperate Mum and her husband are going through. If this weren't a fine blog, it would be difficult to critique because how do you kick a woman when she's down, when down includes the possibility of losing her kids, who she obviously adores? I can be snarky when warranted, but I can't be cruel.

Thank goodness I don't have to kick her. This blog is good.

The design is simple, uncluttered, well organized, and appropriate to the subject matter. There's even an About page that fills us in on the briefest of particulars.

There's not a lot here, yet. She only started blogging this month, but I suspect the blog will grow as their trials continue. And continue they likely will. The writing is honest, clear, focused, and painful. There's anger here, and grief. But also hope.

Is it a blog I'll read every day? Maybe not. But I'll definitely keep an eye on it to see what happens.

I suggest she resubmit in another couple of months when there's a little more meat for us to pick apart. But for now, I give it:







Keep going. Write more.

More Sex, Less Mess

Calamity here. Long time reader, first time reviewer. And dang, there's more to this than meets the eye. You actually have to, like, read the blog and formulate opinions and delve deep for the most snarktastic comments you can come up with while actually providing, you know, helpful suggestions and useful feedback.

It ain't easy, y'all, but I think I'm up to the challenge. If I'm not, you can all bite me. But not too hard.

What high hopes I had for this my first review. "LoudCloud: Random online exploits of a bent bisexual." Fantastic! Two-way smut and snarkiness! Can't go wrong.

Wrong.

The design is ok. Clean, easy to read, organized. I'd consider bumping up the size of some of the text (dates, posted by, etc.) because it's blurry and difficult to read in Firefox. I'm kind of a type whore, so the graphic quotes are fine for me. Breaks up the text nicely. One problem: after I've clicked "Read More" and read the rest of the post, the back button takes me to the index page of the blog. Not gonna hit "Read More" if I can't get back to where I was without clicking a zillion times.

English as a second language? Fuck, I can't read much of it because of the whole foreign language thing. Argh!! I'm trying to be understanding, really. And, honestly, his English is rather good, all things considered. But I'm tripped up on the awkward phrasing and I can't help it. Also? The prose is a glaring shade of purple. "Blustery eyes?" What? You should get that checked.

The ennui is thick here, folks. There isn't a thing in the world that's going to suck this guy out of his self-imposed boredom with everything and everyone. He has "pseudofriends" and thinks everything is absurd or idiotic. There's no doubt the guy has brains, but he likes to trot them out to display with lines and lines of SAT words mashed up and convoluted. Dude, I'm a devout logophile, but there's a line, buddy. Sometimes brevity really is the soul of wit.

There are flashes of cleverness: "I was swiftly sucked into a time-warp. High school! Haha! Zits! Rampaging hormones! Circle jerks! Kidding, again." (Although methinks he's not kidding.) And if he'd stick with more of that and less wry pomposity, I'd be more inclined to read. Maybe.

As to the hijinks or exploits of a bent bisexual, I'm sad to report that two pages in I haven't found the first salacious post. There's lots of writing on boredom, stupid people, and how conceited this dude is and not much else that I can tell.

This sort of self-aggrandizement is a total turn off for me. Tell me something real. Why are you blogging? Just to trot out your blasé musings? That's not enough for me. Dig deep. Find some meaning. Tell me a story that doesn't include puffed up verbiage and an expression of just how languid and unmoved you are by your own assholishness. Do you have relationships with people beyond superficial snarkage? If so, that might be interesting to know. And maybe it's there but I can't get past the self-satisfied smirk and frothy text to find it.

Give it a pass unless you are familiar with the inner workings of Manila or if you enjoy overblown ego and misanthropy run amok.

Rating:



(posted for Calamity, who is having technical difficulties)