You don't have to put on the red light

I am all for prostitution. Really. You wanna make a little money from your money maker? Have at it. Be safe. Save your money. Stay away from pimps. Don't fuck my fiance, and we're all good. And if you have a blog, let me read it. Because you fascinate me.

But when it comes to whoring out your blog, that gets my dander up. Sell your body, but don't sell your blog. If I see ads and pay-per-posts and ad networks, I'm going to sneer at you for being a mercenary little bastard trying to wring every last drop of money out of the internet. And then I'm going click away. Fast.

Today's blog has been pimped the hell out: Lofty Matters.

I'm not convinced this is an actual submission. I left a comment requesting verification but haven't received a response. I'm betting this is the work of our phantom submitter because I find it hard to believe someone with this type of blog would willingly offer themselves up to us for sacrifice.

But, much like Love Bites, I'm going to post this review anyway because the world needs to know: whoring your blog is a sin and you're going to burn in hell! I'm going to get myself a megaphone and a badly drawn picket sign and stand on street corners fighting the good fight against the moral depravity of spreading your blog's legs for remuneration and spreading filthy, nasty diseases like adverticankers and pay-per-pustules. Demons will carve Google ads into your ass for all eternity.

This isn't a blog, it's a paid programming channel. And when the blogger isn't shilling for someone she's posting this. Because apparently people might not know what day it is. Or something. And this. Two words. Well, I've got two words for this blogger: "get real." And "bite me."

Blogging, to me, is personal. It's intimate. There's a conversation between the blogger and the audience, a shared space. We let you in. Blogging is not Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman" saying she won't kiss on the mouth. Bloggers give tongue, man. Or they damn well should. But this? It's flat, soulless, empty, sold out.

I know nothing about this blogger because she doesn't share. Even her About Me page is empty. Oh, there are words, but they tell nothing. The most telling part of the blog is I Disclose.

Look, Rambler--if this is real, if you actually did submit your blog for review--here's some advice. Stop with the ads and pay-per-posts. They rob your blog of any validity. By letting your blog be a platform for commercials and greed you become completely unreliable. Aside from that whole selling your soul thing, your blog needs guts. It needs you: your opinions, your thoughts, your experiences, your mistakes, your laughter.

Otherwise, what can I get for $20?