A college friend once told me that I was the most heterosexual woman she'd ever met. She said this because I was -- and am -- entirely boy crazy. At the time I was recently heartbroken and out of a monogamous relationship and I was on the prowl. Utterly. Every male was scrutinized and measured and evaluated on fuckability. Would I or wouldn't I? Mostly I would.
So, in some ways her comment was apt. But in others? Not so much. My first fumbling forays into sexual experience were with neighborhood girls. And I was always the instigator. Come over and let's play girlfriend/boyfriend, wink wink, nudge nudge. Being the aggressor, I was almost always the "boy." It wasn't so much that girls attracted me; it was more that boys were not as accessible, and my horniness knew (knows) no bounds. And now I am not at all averse to appreciation of the female form, and I suffer from no vaginaphobia. In speaking with Duck (who is a gorgeous lesbian with the mind and charisma and flair of a gay man and all the showtunes and glitter that entails) about levels of gaydom, scales of lesbiosity, I'm pretty sure that on that scale I could never have a relationship with a woman, I couldn't be all squishy lovey sweetheart with a woman, but I could probably get all up in her business.
Which brings me to today's reviewee (what, I'm just revealing my inner lesbian tendencies for nothing?), Honey, a somewhat misleading nom de plume for a butch(ish) lesbian. Honey talks, among other things, about gender identity and being gay and her own scale of butch to femme, gay to straight.
The blog is nicely designed, organized, clean, and clutter-free. The archives could be better served by monthly organization rather than just a list, although it's nice to have it in a separate tab. And speaking of tabs, she does a good job with those, too. The design is basic, simple, and attractive, with very little decoration or adornment aside from her own photos and art, all in their appropriate places. I don't usually care about other people's pictures online, especially people I don't know. But for some reason Honey's pictures bring me in. There's an honesty and appreciation about them.
Honey gets her stride with her blogging mission/comfort zone/voice about November of 2007. Most of the blog before that is scattered, inconsistent, and lacking. Example:
I’ll get home and take another very nice shower, drink some very delicious tea, have excellent conversation with my wonderful girlfriend, and go to bed. I’ll be asleep within a minute.La, la, la... and I'm bored.
But later on she settles into this very zen, calm, introspective vibe that works for her. She writes some good, self-aware stuff. There's a lot of questioning, looking inward, and figuring out going on. A little back and forth of am I this, or am I this other thing, or, no, I'm both.
And speaking of who she is, Honey is completely unconcerned about sharing her identity online, where she went to school, her girlfriend's identity, where she works, and her entire working resume. She's a stalker's wet dream. Which brings me back to the discussion on anonymity and does the lack of it hinder your ability to express yourself online. In some ways I think Honey breaks this trend, because she lives, at least as it appears from her blog, honestly and fully and openly and with great gratitude. And I really admire that because I probably don't. And when she discusses her experiences with queer and straight communities, with self-identification, it is fascinating and insightful. And though I like the rest of Honey's blog -- her commentary on Portland and biking and yoga and her friends and work and whatnot -- it's these revelatory posts that really suck a reader in.
Honey speaks in superlatives. A Christmas tree is not a tree, it's the most wonderful tree. Her girlfriend is the most excellent. Portland is the most perfect. It's obvious that she feels things deeply, loves people wholly, and is not at all afraid to embrace that most feminine of characteristics: emotion.
And one emotion that is revealed most often is her deep love for Agent, her girlfriend. It is a beautiful thing to see. Agent pops up with a post every now and again, which can interrupt the flow. I did a double-take at the change in tone. I knew right away it couldn't be Honey writing, which speaks volumes about Honey's voice. Although, when Agent said this, I melted: "I am acutely aware of my needs. And I don’t hesitate to meet them. So I rarely find myself in unpleasant situations, which is like succeeding in small ways all the time."
When Honey submitted herself for our review, she said, "I am very much looking forward to a good ass reaming. Let me have it - I can take it." But I can't give her a butt bruising because I liked this blog, and I liked Honey. She writes that some of her blogging rules are never to whine and not to share intimate details about her relationships and to avoid the offensive. And this is where that anonymity thing bites her in the ass. Because, god, how much better the blog might be if there were a few more dimensions to it. If we got to see Honey on bad days more often; if we heard about her friends and lover in more detail, with less gloss and happy joy-joy, with more layers peeled back; if we heard her rant or bitch or be something less than centered and grateful. Peaceful happiness is nice and admirable and all that, but we could use a little more humanity, a little more grit. Because Honey, I believe you're good, but sometimes I have trouble believing you're that good. And if you are, I've just reached a whole new low in my evaluation of my own self-worth.
Also, some girl-on-girl action would not go amiss.
*Bound
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